I still have feelings (hopefully), somewhere deep down inside, hidden under the layers and layers of emotional calluses. One day, I'll be myself again. It'll take some time, but I'll be fine eventually. I hated it while I was in it, but it's already happened, so there's nothing more to do than to take the experience and grow from it. I know I'm stronger now, but there are still negative effects I have to shed. That'll take time, but eventually I'll be okay again. Step one is to get out of the negative influence, and the rest will follow.
Don't mind me, just giving myself a pump-up speech... a much needed one! I haven't felt this alive for what feels like years. Maybe it's what I needed to make me open my eyes.
I never would have been able to think this way. Not even last week. There was no shred of hope or positivity, just dread, stress, anxiety and a whole load of other unhealthy things. I've needed this break for a long time, but in retrospect I think it was good that I'd had to wait this long. Kind of like when you don't shower for a week, the relief when you finally get to shower and wash all of that coagulated sweat and grime off you, suddenly you have a new appreciation for showers. It's not like you particularly enjoy being filthy and you probably wouldn't want to do that again though.
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